There's never been a better time to define your community.
And throw out the leftovers.
This one might be for the abstracts and the organizers, but just walk with me.
The month of November is finally over, but she was at least a year long. That’s because this heaux had the nerve to stuff in a whole lot. In my corner of the culture, that meant moving from Young Thug being granted (highly provisional) freedom to the death of the institution that was Quincy Jones to the death of democracy the most strenuous presidential election in my lifetime, to Grammy nominations season, to more Diddy lawsuits to a surprise Kendrick drop. This doesn’t even count the terrorist attacks, wildfires and bomb cyclones(!)
At this point, we’ve normalized the whiplash. Some burrow deeper into the sand, deeper into the cacophony of their echo chambers. Capitalism and climate change have us out here hopscotching during earthquakes instead of bracing and pausing for recovery. And then playing it all off for the cameras like we’re on ANTM.
I’ve been trying to maintain my equilibrium; Breathe deeply when I can, read my favorites, call/text my VIPs, unfollow and block with no remorse. Generally, remember who tf I am. Remember my power, remember the world I create for myself, and in turn, others. That last part has been aided by the timely reminder: There has never been a better time to define your community.
“Community” is thrown around way too haphazardly now. It’s used in corporate all-hands (please bffr) and in spam email copy to get you to sign up for useless memberships. It’s depicted by linked arms, smiles and sunshine. But what I’m talking about is free from vapid, commodification and group-think psychology.
Grammar rules be damned, community is an active verb to me. Yes, it’s a place or thing and made up of people, but to feel grounded in the noun is to know that it is the action of breathing life, effort, kinetic energy and support into the other actors playing out this common human experience happening around you. It's the reinforcing of the bastion. The application of the balm matters even more than the salve itself. Hopefully, its who sees you at your lowest and loves on you in the inconvenient times. It's not just the knowledge that you can rely on others and they on you, it's how you move off that knowing.
In mid-November, I attended an event of lowkey epic proportions, The EBONY Power 100 Gala. I was invited as one of this year’s Power 100 honorees in the category of Media Maven. The journalism industry is on real shaky-quaky ground itself right now, so to know my voice is recognizable enough by a legacy Black publication to be considered a maven is such a deep honor, I’m still processing it. But besides that, it was held in LA, a city I’ve only ever visited for work, a city of dream chasers that’s notoriously hard to build community in.
Honestly, when I found out about this honor and the event, I had some reservations about going. I made up excuses in my head – ones I’m not even going to type out here because the point is I had to quiet that noise real quick! And did! I made this list at this moment because of the quality of work I’ve put out and the conversations I’ve started in my community and because someone in that community believed in me and spoke my name in a room I wasn’t in. (Jaconna, ily).
Like Frank says, “Less morose and more present / dwell on my gifts for a second.”
So, I linked up with a friend who’s an MUA and brought one of my girls who lives in LA as my plus one. And we had a time! It was like no other LA function I’ve ever been to. Black, glamorous, upper echelon but still communal. A concerted action of lifting each other up when so much else is trying to hold us down. That night, we fortified each other.
Heading into the last lap of 2024 and into an uncertain future, I’ve been thinking of the communal spaces I give my energy to. Thinking about the spaces that I feel seen in. I’ve been reveling and reassessing. I invite you to ask yourself some questions about the worlds you occupy, too … and how they occupy you:
What’s your criteria for community?
Do you count your family as your community? FOLO: Even if you disagree with them over the election?
Do you count your social media following as your community? FOLO: Even if they only exist in service to you?
How are you defining your community right now? (The definition is allowed to be malleable, just make sure you’re being real with yourself about it.) What actions are you putting into fortifying it?
In the between time, here are some communal efforts in motion I fully support:
Envsn Foundation and I Support The Girls are currently running a hygiene drive for young girls and non-binary baddies in need of essentials. If you can’t drop off irl, they’ve set up a convenient Amazon buy list. Instead of copping that Flash Sale TikTok Shop wig or that $10 oat latte, swing some of that ‘self-care’ coin to communal care. (Speaking to myself just as much as you, here.)
As an Internet archivist and event curator, Studio Symoné is reminding us the giggles are very much still ours. Because, disillusioned where?!
Masani Musa, creator of the platform Culture Unfiltered, saw the marketing premise of the look-a-like contests going up and decided to throw one for her community, calling out all the Black Heartthrobs. In the process, she really brought out the baddies! We might’ve even got some offline meet-cutes from it. Nostalgic.
I’ve been recently reckoning with my idea of community, how I fit into it, and how others do, too — this post came at the exact right time. 🙏🏾